Fandemonium

Obsessed fans.

That is all I have to say. Just two small words and they describe so much. Personally, I think obsession has been taken to a new level.

I’ll admit, I have my own obsessions, but when it comes to the new novel-turned-movie “Twilight”, the fans have become wild fiends intent upon screaming civilization as we know it to shambles.

I knew “Twilight” was big, I even love the books myself, but I never really knew until the release of “Breaking Dawn” this summer.

The book store was absolutely packed with costumed teenage girls waiting to get the new installment. When the book came out at midnight, a stampede of adolescents trampled me to get in the line, which already wrapped around the Mega Store.

If that wasn’t bad enough, “Twilight Live @ Much” brought the pandemonium to epic proportions. Young girls sat in the rain for two days waiting for the cast of “Twilight” to come to Much Music.

When they arrived, the interview, which was the most disappointing, useless interview imaginable, was made even worse by the fact that all the little lasses screamed for ten minutes straight when star Robert Pattinson appeared. The screaming continued for an hour, blocking any hope there may have been for even a sub-par question and answer session.

Here is the first part of “Twilight Live @ Much” on youtube. Watch the gaggle of girls as the cast arrives, then you’ll know what I mean:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0hwiuLom5M

With the release of the actual movie tomorrow, I am scared for my life because of these crazed females.

Obsession is alright by me, but there is a line and “Twilighters” are miles away from it. What good does it do to scream for an hour at a young Brit who will never be anything to you but a poster or a moving picture?

I beg of you ladies, tone it down, and keep it to yourself when you’re locked in your room like everybody else, or I may just have to hunt you down!

And remember, mares eat oats, and does eat oats, but little lambs eat ivy.

-Marisa

I'm Addicted

Greetings from yonder Windows ladies and gents,

I would like to take this time to confess a few things. I am an addict. Wow I feel better by saying that! It’s difficult, but the first hurdle is denial and it’s all downhill from here!

I have a very addictive personality, I have learned, and recently it has gotten worse. It started with just the occasional chocolate, and of course lipstick, then Elvis came along and it all spiraled from there.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “She’s addicted to Elvis? Tragic”, I know, believe me. I try but whenever I see or hear the King, I nigh swoon and my heart starts a rapid tattoo to the beat of his crooning.

I pass a collectible store and I buy it out of all Elvis stock. I’m now out of money, but I am a well-known and happy customer!

I even converted to the Presleyterian Church, and created and Elvis prayer. Sacrilegious, maybe, but I told you, I’ve got it bad.

But Elvis is not where I draw the line. I blame him of course, but he understands. I have also become so addicted to old music of the 50’s and 60’s, and movies from the 30’s and 40’s. I may as well build a time machine or buy a Delorean (there must be some way!).

It’s sad, I know, but anything I even remotely start to enjoy, I go overboard. Now does this sound like the ravings of an addict? I think so…scratch that, I know so, but at least I am getting help.

If you would like to help, listen to A Blonde Joke, Wednesdays at 4:30. (Oh you’ve got to love shameless plugs…)

And remember children, not all bugs need drugs.

-Marisa

Lil' ol' Modest Me

Alright, after a lot of begging and pleading from listeners, here is a little bit about me...I did not write this, I swear...kind of...

Marisa was born the day the music died, and then because of her unbelievable coolness, brought it back. Therefore, Marisa saved the world as we know it from a fatal case of boredom. In her younger days she experimented…no not that kind of experimentation…with different hobbies and found that roller disco was her true calling. She then moved on to a career in professional Lawn Darts after a severe case of the Bee Gees which ruined her disco career, but after assaulting a mime with one of the darts, she was forever banned from the sport. Finally after a stint as posing as Sean Connery on Jeopardy, Marisa realized her true passion…Johnny Depp. In her spare time, Marisa likes to care for baby emus and eat “emu a la king”, but that’s neither here nor there.

Seriously though, Marisa is the coolest person ever. She is so cool, that she gives people frostbite when they are near her. That is not to say she is cold, because she has the kindest most generous heart ever, and to counteract the totally wicked coolness, she is also unbelievably hot! So hot, people need shades to go near her, and so, when people get frostbite from her coolness, they simultaneously get unthawed by the hotness, and so they pretty much seem to be normal except they are forever affected by being near her.

Really, Marisa is like a six year old, however she is a really uberly smart six year old, despite being a natural Blonde, (Yay Blondes!) with an extensive vocabulary and trapped in a Greek goddess of a body.

Also, she is terribly modest, it is her only fault.

As to her likes, well, there really is only one. And that one is the one we ALL, yes ALL, refer to as the KING…ELVIS PRESLEY! In fact, Marisa is a devout member and actually the leader of the Church of Elvis as he is her God and she worships him to no end.

And remember; you are never lost, you are just an innocent victim of a temporary geographical disorientation.

-Marisa